I'm grieving today. I miss Baby Bug and I would've liked to see her on her birthday.

I know some may think, 'She rejoined her family last August, you should be over it by now!' Maybe I should. Most days I do pretty good. But it's days like today, her birthday, that I'm caught off guard. I'm feeling overly sensitive today. The sweet memories of our time with her are seeping in.

I'm offering up a prayer for this little sweetie, because it's all I can do. I hope she's safe and being well cared for. It's just hard to feel confident of that.

I think long ago I mentioned that I have only 1 kidney (my right one was removed when I was 2 years old).

Well, at an annual physical, it was discovered that I had over-the-top high blood pressure, which is not normal for me. My blood pressure has always been within normal ranges, until recently.

My Primary Care Physician (who I think is awesome) was alarmed and acted aggressively by ordering all sorts of tests on me. She started with blood work and focused on my kidney, telling me that sudden high blood pressure was often a sign of kidney problems and, since I only have one, she was quickly starting to look there.

After all the tests were run (including an ultrasound, a cat scan, and x-rays), it was determined that I have two very large stag horn kidney stones in my one remaining kidney. Left unattended, they are ticking time bombs waiting to go off and the results will not be pretty.

I was referred to a urologist and a nephrologist, and they even consulted with other doctors in their field and it was collectively decided that I needed to have surgery to attempt to have the stones removed (they're too large to pass on their own or be dissolved by medicine and lithotripsy is not a viable option in my case) while I'm in relative good health and not in a crisis situation.

So, tomorrow I go under the knife for a rather invasive surgery that involves cutting into my one remaining kidney. The surgeon did her job very well in informing me of the risks (internal bleeding, infection, accidental damage of other internal organs, renal failure, need for dialysis, even death). As Oronzo and I sat there and listened to her spell all of this out and then signed the paper listing all of these risks, the terror set in.

I'm terrified. I'm terrified that things will go wrong and that I won't wake up from this surgery and I'll never see my kids or husband again. I'm terrified that I'll wake up from surgery and have no kidney left. I'm terrified of all the worst case scenarios.

And it's a bit surreal to have to sit down and explain to your 4 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 year old children that Mommy has an owie in her kidney and has to go to the hospital for an operation to make it all better. The picture I've attached is the one I showed Snuggle Bug because, bless his heart, he's a worrier and I knew that giving him a visual image would help him process. I thought about crossing out the right kidney, that's missing, but thought that might just confuse him.

And today I spent the day filling out Durable Health Care & Mental Health Power of Attorney forms, as well as Living Will forms. I'm 41 years old and I'm having to face the reality that these forms need to be filled out now, not some day, but NOW.

So, please, if some of you are still reading after my long absence from blogging, please say a prayer for me and my family tomorrow, that all will go well.

I'll be heading in to the OR at about 8:30 AM so that the radiologist people can prep me for the surgeon who starts her procedure at 10 AM. The surgeon told me that the procedure normally takes under 2 hours, but she suspects mine will be longer so she booked the OR for 4 hours!

Thank you! God willing, all will go well and I'll be able to provide you all with an update over the weekend or early next week, depending on how well my healing is going.

Today was a good day. Oronzo took both kids out and kept them busy for about 4 hours so that I could clean our home from top to bottom!! I guess you could consider this a fall cleaning, but I had a specific purpose in mind for the clean fest.

We had another home inspection today, you see, and we passed! In the past 4 1/2 years, we've had 4 home inspections. One for Snuggle Bug's adoption, and 3 now for fostering (the initial one and now 2 renewals). So, by now, I know exactly what they're looking for and I made sure our house was in order.

The medicines were locked up appropriately. Our pool gates were padlocked, probably not necessary considering we have self-latching, self-closing gates, but with the state you can never be too prepared. We made sure the smoke detectors in every room had functional batteries. All the cleaning supplies were up out of reach. Our meager stash of liquor (wine and stuff for mixed drinks when we have parties) was up on a high shelf out of reach. The fire extinguisher is a current model. Our evacuation plan was prominently displayed. Every room of the house was neat and tidy. Everything was in order and we passed! Hooray!

Our foster licensing worker was in our home for about 30 minutes, and after doing the walk-through of the house, he sat and reviewed the mound of paperwork that we had to fill out for the relicensing. All was in order (yep, we're getting good at this).

We've been told that once we get certified for fostering for another year, that also transfers over to get us certified for adoption for Boo! :) We don't have to go through the same process twice in one year, thank goodness.

We're keeping our fingers crossed that we'll be allowed to finalize Boo's adoption by mid-November, in time for a huge adoption celebration that our city is holding in the park. It'll all depend on how well the foster agency and the adoption agency work together in passing information back and forth for certification. And it'll depend on whether or not that appeals ruling will be returned in time.

We'd appreciate your prayers. It's moving forward...just rather slowly! We can't wait for Boo to be a permanent part of our family!

By the way, check back later this week. I have some books to review and give away!

Good Friday to you all! It's time for another Favorite Ingredients Friday recipe exchange! I can't wait to see what you all come up with!

Check out my upcoming themed schedule below:

Upcoming 2009 "Themed" Schedule

September 18- Bread Edition

We're still happily grilling and I came across this recipe in a Safeway grocery store a while back. These are so yummy! You have to try them!

Here's how my days as a temporary SAHM have gone thus far:

1) Get up with Snuggle Bug between 6:00 AM- 6:30 AM. Snuggle Bug is an early riser but I don't mind because I like early mornings myself.

2) Take Snuggle Bug out for a walk or to pull weeds while it's still cool outside.

3) Go back in the house at about 7:00 AM to check on Boo. She's usually getting up about that time.

4) Make breakfast for the kids and check to see if Oronzo is interested in eating or if he's more interested in sleeping until the last possible minute before heading out the door for work, since he knows I'm around to take care of the kids (usually I'm the first to leave in the mornings for work).

5) Help the kids clean up after breakfast and play with them a bit.

6) Get the kids dressed and gear packed and head out the door no later than 8:15 AM to take them in to preschool.

7) Drop the kids off, stay and chat with the preschool director and other moms for a while (very nice socialization time).

8) Meet a friend for breakfast/coffee without the kids (she drops her daughter off 30 minutes before I do). Again, the adult time alone is wonderful!

8) Go back home, clip coupons, go to the store and do shopping without having to drag 2 small children in and out of the car with me (shopping alone, what a novel concept)!

9) Go back home, straighten up the house a bit...maybe even sneak in a wee bit of a nap (that happened on one day at least) or do some sewing or baking.

10) Pick the kids up from preschool at 12:30 PM. Rush home and make lunch because they're both hungry and crabby!

11) Play with them a bit, then put them down for a nap at 2:00 PM (yes, both Snuggle Bug and Boo still nap, for an 1-2 hours and it's wonderful).

12) While the kids are napping, check some blogs, check my coupon news board, do some laundry, etc.

13) When the kids get up around 3:30 PM- 4:00 PM, feed them a light snack, and get them involved in some activity or playing together and think about what to make for dinner.

14) Start dinner and wait for Oronzo to arrive home so that we can sit down together for a meal.

I have a few of observations about my temporary SAHM status:

1) The day flies by far quicker than I imagined it would and I don't get as much accomplished as I think I will! How does that happen?

2) It's nice not to have to be in such a frantic rush all day.

3) It's nice to have some adult time alone, time that's not at a business.

4) I would struggle not to be addicted to my blogging.

5) I eat more staying at home than I do when I go in to work (not a good thing)!

6) I'd have time to run errands that I struggle to accomplish during normal business hours while I'm working.

7) Having kids that are at an age when they can be a bit independent helps.

8) Having the kids in PT preschool also really helps!

All-in-all, I've enjoyed my temporary SAHM gig. It was kind of neat to see what Oronzo's experience has been like when he used to work from home (he's working outside of the home for the time-being with a contract job). Of course, when he stays at home with the kids, he's also got work to do. Being on vacation, I did not. I know that makes things a bit tougher.

Now granted, a few days off does not a SAHM make me, but it's been fun to get a glimpse of the other side, even for a brief amount of time.

I really am enjoying this book and if you like thrillers, I think you will too. So watch for this book in the bookstores this week!

Now, let me share with you the press release information that Tony sent me.

The Holy Bullet by Luís M. Rocha
Translation by Robin McAllister

“No bullet can kill if that is not His will.”
– Sister Lucia of Fatima , in a letter to Pope John Paul II, April 1981

“I am writing a book right now, in which I will tell the whole truth. I had told fifty different stories so far, but they are all fake.”
– Mehmet Ali Ağca, would-be assassin of Pope John Paul II

May 1981, Vatican City: As twenty-thousand euphoric believers piled into St. Peter’s Square to await Pope John Paul II’s weekly general audience, a young man of twenty-three, his hands hidden in his jacket pockets despite the warm day, settled among the pilgrims near the barricades where the Pope would soon pass by. As the slow-moving jeep carrying the Bishop of Rome drew even with where he was standing, Mehmet Ali Ağca pulled a gun from his pocket and fired six times at point blank range before he was stopped by the people around him, and arrested by security forces. Although grievously wounded John Paul II survived the attack. (He would later ascribe his survival to miraculous intervention—a divine hand guiding the bullet so as to miss every major organ and artery.) Over the years the attack on the Pope has been the subject of intense speculation. Some believe it was the work of a crazed lone gunman. Others are convinced it was a conspiracy involving one or more foreign powers and their intelligence services. No one has even come close to explaining what really happened, why the Pope was targeted, or who was responsible. Until now.

Already an international bestseller, Luis M. Rocha’s THE HOLY BULLET (Putnam; August 20, 2009; $25.95), a stunning sequel to his 2008 sleeper hit The Last Pope, is a fast-paced historical thriller about the conspiracy surrounding the attempted assassination of John Paul II. Although a work of fiction, the story is based in part on information Rocha says he received in 2005 from a man who claimed to have killed John Paul II’s predecessor, and then backed up his claim with documentary proof. With unusual twists and turns right up until the end, the story alternates between past and present, fact and fiction, as it returns readers to the same captivating world of money, violence and Vatican conspiracies they encountered last year in Rocha’s critically acclaimed debut. Now international journalist Sarah Monteiro, the rogue priest Rafael Santini, the mysterious assassin JC, and a host of new and returning characters including a Muslim with visions of the Virgin Mary, and members of the world’s most powerful—and secretive—organizations, come together in another gripping thriller.

2007, London: It has been a year since the events of The Last Pope, when Monteiro found herself thrust suddenly into a vortex of terror and double-cross, secret Masonic lodges and spies, assassins and assassinated priests and cardinals, documents lost and found, and a Pope mysteriously dead before his time. Now an editor for international politics at The Times of London , Sarah receives a phone call out of the blue from her father, a retired Portuguese army officer, warning her to get out of London immediately. When she starts to question him another voice comes on the line flooding her with panic and dread. It’s JC the man who had murdered John Paul I.

Monteiro demands to know what the killer wants and what he’s doing in her parents’ home. JC ignores her questions and makes several demands of his own: leave London now; bring the dossier he had left her a year ago at the hotel Grand Palatine in Rome ; do not talk to anyone, warn anyone, or wait for anyone. What happens if she refuses, Sarah asks. The assassin’s reply is unequivocal: “In that case your father can prepare to ship your corpse back here because you’ll be eliminated today.”

Once again Sarah finds herself on the run from forces she knows little about, embroiled in events surrounding a conspiracy decades earlier to eliminate John Paul II, and a dossier containing a complete report on how everything happened, what led to planning the death of the Polish pontiff, who the conspirators were, what happened in the years that follows, and the consequences. And once again it is the renegade priest Rafael Santini who plays a decisive role in helping Sarah chase down the truth and in surviving the ordeal

THE HOLY BULLET offers a new perspective on the attempt to eliminate Pope John Paul II. It’s also the first novel to make clear the extraordinary link between that event and the death of John Paul I. And it presents a sobering glimpse of a dark reality that shows us who—or what—really controls the levers of power within the Roman Catholic Church. Says Rocha, “It’s important that we have a healthy dose of skepticism when it comes to what we learn in the news media, what our government tells us, what we think we know. Not everything is black and white. The world in which we live is much more complicated than that.”

About the Author:
Luis M. Rocha was born in Oporto , Portugal , and worked for many years in London as a television writer and producer. He now lives in Portugal . He is the author of the international bestseller, The Last Pope.

We made the decision NOT to use pull-ups. We felt like they were a waste of time (and money) with Snuggle Bug and actually hindered his potty training efforts. So, with Boo, we skipped straight to underpants, using diapers only at nap time and bedtime since she's still not waking up dry.

Boo is very much into princesses right now so we bought her princess underpants and she loves them! She's very proud of her princess underpants.

So, she's doing quite well going pee on her own accord. And now she's actually going poop too!

The other day, she went poop on her own, and then came rushing to me saying, "Come look! I poopy in da potty!"

As she's proudly showing me her fine work, she points and tells me, "Dat's a big crap! I did a big crap, Mama!"

Umm...perhaps I shouldn't be saying "crap" around the kids, ya think?

Before we get started, I'd like to encourage you to enter for a chance to win the Chicken Soup for the Soul book that I'm giving away.  I'll be choosing the winner tomorrow evening!

Here's a poem that I really liked.  It's from Chapter 6 of this book.

Earlier this week, we FINALLY got the news that Boo's case has been transfered from CPS to the state-contracted adoption agency.  And we got a call from a social worker from that agency saying she's been assigned to Boo's case and she wants to meet with our family next week.  We also have an adoption application to fill out to get the ball rolling on the adoption process!

To say I'm thrilled is not doing this justice!  I am beyond excited that Boo's case has finally been transfered over to the adoption agency.  We've been waiting for this day for months and months.

When we took the training classes for our foster care license back in 2007, we were warned that it could take "up to 12 months or so" before we might be allowed to adopt a child from foster care.  I now realize they were being overly optimistic in their 12 months estimate, at least Boo's case has proven them wrong.

I must admit, there's still anger lingering in me that this precious child has been stuck in the system for 25 months (of her 29 1/2 months of existence) and we still haven't gotten a ruling from the higher court of appeals on whether or not the severance ruling will be upheld.  We still haven't been able to finalize her adoption and legally make her a part of our family.  The system is failing children pulled into the foster care system.  They're failing Boo right now.  She should've been allowed to be adopted a long time ago!

But I'm trying to let go of that anger and count my blessings that she's with us now.  She knows she's loved.  She's stable and thriving.  And, God willing, she's not going anywhere!  I suspect I won't be able to fully let go of the anger until after we've been allowed to adopt her.

I have to tell you, I'm throwing this child a HUGE celebration party on the day we get to finalize her adoption (I'm thinking positively here)!  She so deserves a day of celebration for all that she's been through!

Please keep her and our family in your prayers!